Day 14

I had a sudden revelation today about the source of my disgruntlement at work in recent months.

There have been many changes in the past 1.5 years as people come and go. Granted that the department is now emptied of the people I deeply love, I still love my job and the dynamic organisation that touches the lives of so many.

I just don't like my job portfolio.

Reason why I have hung on till now is because I think there is a good job fit. My skillsets enable me to value add to the department's work. But there recent changes in portfolio doesn't allow me to contribute using all of my skillsets, and the top-down approach means I don't get to fight for what I love to do, what I am passionate about. In short, I feel unchallenged and that I have lost my voice.

Feeling at the crossroads now, whether I should move into a new area and seek new challenges that fuel me; or whether I should hang in there because I still use my skillsets partially. Plus I don't want to give up when the going gets tough. If I should leave, I want to leave on a high note.

A lesser reason is the change in department culture.

In the past, ex-colleagues and I knew what each other were doing and we discussed issues collaboratively. We did not require prompting to offer a hand when someone needed help. And if we were struggling it wasn't below us to ASK. Today, for some reason people are secretive. Work is comparmentalised, not to mention dished out based on what the boss thinks you're stereotype good at. Things are less than efficient because people are unwilling to ASK what they don't know, and ASK what has been done in the past.

Bitching about this seem to imply an inability to adapt. However, if I really couldn't adapt I would not still be here. I have a clear understanding that I cannot expect things to stay the same forever. But it is the knowing that things could be better than what they are existingly that bites me.
To me it is sad that my greatest personal achievement this year at work has nothing to do with my portfolio. My bosses don't even know about my involvement. My greatest achievement... was being emcee for a Standards seminar. I'm extremely grateful to the person who saw the potential in me and entrusted me with the role since public speaking is by no means something that people will associate me with. I am also thankful for the experience which allowed me to bear witness to how the organising comm came together to deal with the issues that day. I saw how they came together to celebrate the event's closure and was part of it. The congratulations were genuine, there were no personal victories only team victories that day. Which brings me to the point- our department also organises a number of events but why is the sense of joint victory not there anymore?

After all the rationalising, my head is abit clearer now. With the two issues laid out on the table, time to think and strategise my next steps. For too long I've forgotten my motto of "change the world or go home", it is time that I take concrete steps to address the things that are bugging me.

10-15 July- Vacationing

I've have been toying with the idea of a beach vacation for so long. "Phuket? Krabi? Boracay?" I ask almost every week. So when the Phuket deal came out in Groupon, LY and I decided to overcome NATO (talk only, no action) and book the resort and air tickets quickly.

Top 5 Experiences in Phuket

1) Phi Phi Islands Tour

A full day tour, for 1200 baht (48 SGD) per person, included a speedboat ride to the island, lunch, and snorkeling equipment. There was a slight hiccup at the start when one of the motors of our speedboat died and the boatman were making futile attempts to salvage it. Small speedboats have to maintain a certain speed at open sea otherwise they may capsize. For a water-averse person, the breakdown caused quite a bit of anxiety. Fortunately, nothing catastrophic happened. 

We managed to go to 2 snorkeling locations. With a life jacket on, I didn't need to swim much which is such a huge relief cos I absolutely hate treading water. Managed to see some fishes, corals (mostly dead), terrifying-looking sea urchins, even a lion fish.

2) Lobster meal

We drove a hard bargain here. Got the lobster at 900 baht per 900 grams. The meal was completed with calamari and an oyster omelette.

3) Elephant Jungle Trekking

I had been most excited about trying this when we planned the trip. It was a not too bad experience, though shorter than expected. Elephants are such nice benign animals. No wonder the Thais love them. Two of us in seats balanced on the elephants back, plus the guide, we took a walk about 45 minutes along some steep slopes. While it was a novel experience for us, it was obviously boring for the elephant and the guide. Apparently, they have to walk the same route about 7 times a day. But well, at least I had my wish for an elephant ride fulfilled (and I got to pet a monkey as a bonus). 650 baht (26 SGD) per person.

4) Para-sailing

One of the key highlights of the trip. We took turns to be harnessed to a parachute and towed by a boat along the coast for about 3km. The ascent was very fast, the men hold back the parachute to inflate it and they tell you to do something of a short run. However before you even manage a few steps, you are lifted off the ground, and up you, go wind in your hair and the sea beneath you. It was an awesome experience as you fly, not in a capsule, but freely with your legs dangling down. And you look around, the incredible view of the sunset, ocean vessels, and sandy beaches engulfs you. I even saw a stingray from our vantage point in the air! The decent was very thrilling too as you see people trying to dodge the parachute coming in and you try to avoid landing on one of those coconut trees. Lol. I only wish we could have stayed up there a bit longer because the ride was quite short (less than 5 minutes). 900 baht (36 SGD) per person.

5) James Bond Island Tour

We went on a James Bond Island tour, together with about 30 other folks on a cruise boat. The tour agent swore by the good service provided by this company. We were not let down. The tour included lunch and dinner on-board the boat, canoeing to see some caves, taking a long-tailed boat to see some islands. 

My favourite was the first stop on a nice island with a stretch of unspoilt beach. The sand was there so fine and water was so clear, it was so ideal to sit on one of those beach chairs under a colourful umbrella looking at other people water skiing and frolicking in the water. We were also treated to a performance by one of the crew members, who was what they called a 'pretty boy' in Thailand. He danced and rumba-ed with many of the tourists. 100 points for entertainment factor! 1250 baht (50 SGD) per person well spent!

Day 13

Top 4 advice given by the course trainer today:

1) Sign off with your own name when you do a piece of work (even if it didn't originate from you but you gave your inputs), otherwise you'll be contributing to someone else's career development.

2) Be ready to quit your job within 24 hours notice. Your life should not only evolve around your job such that giving it up means your world stops.

3) If you feel that after rounds of revisions and vetting you go back to your first draft, don't worry. It means you can think like your bosses' boss. You have a bright future. Just wait it out and your turn will come.

4) Don't do what your boss tells you to do. Do what your boss wants you to do.

Day 12

Took leave today and cooked cabarona pasta with casear salad. *all smiles* Want a wonderful way to recharge. The Fairprice@Nex is so deserted on a weekday, it feels like you have the whole supermarket to yourself. Turns out that the ingredients cost more if you start from scratch so I settled for the pre-made pasta sauce instead. It was good! Saved on the hassle and the uncertainty of how it will turn out too.

Day 11

It's Mothers' Day today and so Leng and I baked a Rainbow Cake. Terrific for our first try. I almost cried yesterday because the butter-cream was too soupy. Fortunately I managed to find a site that provided a remedy for it which so saved the day. Glad everyone could make it for the cake cutting and witness the unveiling of the beautiful multi layers! Reminds me of some flower festival. Lol.

Well although my mum and I don't see eye to eye very often, but I still want to say thank you for all that she has done for us. We don't celebrate mother's day in a very big fashion but I'm sure all of us still HOPE mightily that she's happy 365 days a year. Thanks mum!

Day 10

Happy things are meant to be shared :)

March/April was kind of watershed period. Firstly, LY proposed and secondly, I got my promotion. It was not really watershed watershed for me since to some extent I actually saw it coming, but nonetheless the people around me seem to think that it was a big thing. Everyone's been asking me to "tell  story".

Honestly I can't remember the full story. I know kept reminding myself to just enjoy the moment which happens once in a lifetime and to remember as much of it as possible. But today the details are beyond me *goldfish memory*. I know I followed my girlfriends' advice- "don't give him a too easy time". Stressed him out a little but eventually said yes. It was the sweetest thing he has done for me and I had to reciprocate. :P

Day 9

It took two art jamming sessions and some extra time at home to finish my first painting since I left school. My mood was just super relaxed after the 2nd art jamming session whereby a few of us with interest in art and music took time off to paint together. With the secret garden soundtrack playing in the background and chocolates littering the table in case we were hungry, it was like group therapy. The sense of pride and fulfilment in completing your picture is only the bonus.

"Art knows no boundaries" - people just draw what they feel like putting to paper, and no one judges. Everyone has their own style, even the simplest picture can draw oohs and aahs. Someone took a brush and drew a picture in 5 minutes and it was so pretty!! I absolutely wanted to kowtow to that guy!! Anyway since a long way back, I was really into this art stuff. Even contemplated making architecture my career choice. But then I didn't. But things are still great because you don't actually have to draw on canvas to feel like an artist, there are many ways in which Art still lives big in my life. It only takes an appreciation to the beautiful things around us, in handwritings, in literature, in food, in the way furniture is arranged, even the way someone laughs. I can only wish that this thirst to be amazed continues in me, and in the people I love.

We displayed our pictures briefly in the staff lounge for it to hang dry.

Day 8

My colleague came by yesterday to deliver goodies in celebration of her baby's first month! I always feel quite detached when people around me have babies cos they are either relatives from "another generation" or people whom I'm not that close to, but I was quite excited yesterday when this colleague showed photos of her newborn. Pictures of her in the delivery ward filled me with admiration. While other members of the family held the baby triumphantly for the camera, mum has to lay there to recover from the trauma and hey it's not just the few labour hours that's traumatising but the entire 10 months. Recapping this makes me feel a renewed sense of gratitude towards my mum... unfortunately i don't say mushy things to my mum and neither does she read my blog...

Day 7

LY and I attempted to make cupcakes on our day off on 29th and this is the delightful outcome! The recipe sites describe it as "fun, kid-friendly and easy to make" but in reality its pretty appearance belies so much hard work and sweat put into it. As usual, at the start this lady thought she had it all covered and convinced her guy that minimal work was needed on his part- "We would be well in time for lunch." I don't know whether he or I would shudder more now as we recall how much it took us to complete the entire 2 batches of cupcakes- from mixing, sieving, stirring, to the last minute rush to the supermarket to top up our ingredients... For the less/inexperienced, cupcakes fairly easy to make, the real nightmare was the cream! Yelps! We struggled so hard to get the consistency right and even as we left for lunch the work wasn't completed. I had to return to it at midnight (can you imagine?) and only managed to nail it after a few experiments. 

I've always told everyone that I'm good cook, but lousy baker. After this incident, still not the best baker but at least I'm improving :) But seriously, so much time to bake so precious few things to be finished off so quickly (chiefly by my brother) puts to question whether it's really worth the while. Maybe it's not the outcome but the process that matters??! I think so....i feel better with a fellow baker, at the very least it a comforting fact that i don't have to wash the dishes!

 ~First successful batch of cupcakes, what an achievement!~

~Reinvented and used oreo crumbs instead of oreo biscuits cos they were so soggy!~

Day 6

I made angmoh carrot cake this week and my sis made chawanmushi!!! And they're good!!! ♥_♥

Day 5

What a wonderful V-day at the office this year. V-day has never been celebrated with such aplomb in my department since I joined spring. Credit goes to the three young gals in my department who are so hot that delivery boys (actually guys from other departments) send coffee from holland v, totillas and ginger ale for lunch etc. to our little corner on the 15th floor "to be shared by everybody".

The best surprise this year was a hand-made card and chocolates from one of my ex-interns who is now a permanent staff. I think I've always be fooled by his nerdy exterior, never expected that he could be this sweet and thoughtful. What a warm fuzzy feeling as I read and re-read his card which is sitting proudly on my table now.

I wish v-day would be this nice at the office every year. :):)

Feeling the love from loving colleagues

Strawberry Cake for our breakfast meeting

Pretty treats made by a colleague

Day 4

Vitou texted me today to say that he got his wedding gift. My Cambodian friend whom I got to know through overseas CIP got married on 4 Feb. Although I couldn't be present on the day, but I was definitely there in spirit. Last weekend, I spent an afternoon fuzzing over what gift to buy, even googled to see if there are customs on wedding gifts that I should follow. Apparently their practice is quite like the Chinese practice, they prefer cash. Since it's impossible to mail cash over, I decided to buy a pretty box and matching water bottle set (with ♥s)for the newlyweds instead. Plastic gift items was a very practical choice, they are less likely to get damaged in the mail. I was expecting that it will take at least 2-3 weeks to reach him since the singpost website said so and half expecting that it may get lost in the mail, so it was a most pleasant surprise that he received it within 5 days! The postal system there is pretty unreliable, all my previous posts never reached him, and so this time I figured it was better to mail it to his father's office instead. Wise choice that made all the difference. ^.^y

Day 3

Family gathering yesterday at big aunt's house. Was finally well enough to indulge in food and wine. I loooove going to my aunt's house cos she makes a very fine host and splurges on us each year. It's always 大鱼大肉 when we go over, haha. And this year our "little host" as grown up! I don't know how it escaped me but my youngest cousin has finished 6 years in primary school and is now in Seconday 1. omg. We used to have 3 groups at gatherings, the adults, the youngsters, and the kids. Now (suddenly) no more kids! Suddenly we have more ppl to play mahjong, and more ppl to keng gai too. It was a very enjoyable evening, with the other Youthsters as we engaged in deep discussions on the very serious topics of numerology and palmistry...

Day 2

We were gathered at Rajah Inn today for our department bonding dinner. This is my first outing ever since I fell sick over cny. Although not fully well, still managed to eat abit of everything on the steamboat menu.We later went on to have the dessert buffet with fondue. The latter was not very impressive, but I was totally blown away by the fried durian fritters.


For someone who doesn't like all the goreng stuff, I thought they were really good. Nearly wanted to stow some away for breakfast the next morning. The restaurant however had a very indecent policy of no takeaways. Shame.

Day 1

Pleasant surprise as a went back to the office today. Christmas gifts from colleagues littered the table. These are the little things that brighten your day at work! :D